


A Game of Spite

by Airi (MultisFabulis)



Series: Red-Light Dregs [2]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Brother-Sister Relationships, Cemetery, Established Relationship, Explicit Language, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Light Angst, M/M, Modern Era, Multi, One Shot, Other, Past Drug Use, Sibling Bonding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-11
Updated: 2019-09-11
Packaged: 2020-10-14 13:24:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20601494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MultisFabulis/pseuds/Airi
Summary: If life were like a game, how would you play it? Would you try your best to win against all odds or would you let it beat you down till you couldn't get back up?Life is unfair. But you can fight it till it's fair.





	A Game of Spite

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is basically a kinda vent fic. Over a week ago, I experienced a personal loss and I wrote this as a way to vent.
> 
> This is also an unedited fic so it's crappily written and of lower quality than my other fics. Still, I hope you enjoy reading this!

Luce looked up at the sky as Ravi and Amelia went on ahead of him. Gray clouds covered the expanse above, no trace of blue to be seen. It was hard to tell if it was gonna rain or not, though he leaned more on the latter. Either way, the late morning overcast perfectly set the mood for today.

He’d never been to a cemetery before. He never had any reason to, since the only family he had were his parents and he certainly didn’t want to visit them. However, today was different. He was here on the behalf of his boyfriend and little sister, who came to visit their parents.

It was only a couple days ago Ravi asked him if he wanted to come. Initially, he wasn’t sure, since he didn’t want to intrude on them paying their respects and because parents were a touchy subject for him. Once he met his rose red eyes, though, he could tell he wanted him to come and accepted his invitation. He couldn’t say no to his snowbird, after all.

So here he was. He was shocked at how big it was when he saw it from inside the taxi they took to get over here. That was when he realized the scale in which people died every day. It unnerved him, to say the least. As he followed the two figures further in, he took in his surroundings. Stone markers were strewn all over green grass, some decorated with flowers, toys, and the like while others were left untouched. Names and dates were engraved or etched on each and every single grave they passed. Some even had pictures of the departed smiling brightly as they once did when they were alive. Would his grave be like these when his time came, adorned with mementos from his loved ones?

A heavy sense of somberness loomed over him. He never gave much thought about death and how he’d want to be dealt with. Why would he, he was only 21 years old and he was more like a reaper with the sizable amount of bodies under his belt. Even when he’d play chicken with the knife slashing across his skin or snort white dust like it was a Pixie Stick, the possibility of death never crossed his mind. Then again, maybe the reason he never thought about death was because the idea of never waking up again scared the shit out of him. Not knowing about what laid beyond death also scared him. Basically, everything about death scared him. He shook his head, stopping himself from thinking about it further.

“Ravi, Ravi, look!” Amelia suddenly shouted, drawing his attention. “It’s the Weeping Angel lady!”

His eyes followed to where she pointed and it was indeed an angelic woman weeping. It was a large statue depicting an angel crying while a wreath of flowers dangled in her hand. It was beautiful, though the splotches of pigeon crap detracted from its beauty some.

“Are we gonna give her flowers again this year?” she asked, looking at her brother expectantly.

“Yeah, we’ll just give them to her after we see mom and dad, okay?” Ravi replied.

“Okay!” She let out a giggle and ran on ahead.

Confused, he caught up to Ravi and asked, “Flowers?”

“Yeah, it’s kind of a tradition we have whenever we come here,” he answered. “After we visit mom and dad, Melly gives the statue flowers to ‘make her happy’.”

“She does know it’s a statue, right?”

“Yeah but it makes her happy.”

They continued walking till they reached the northwestern part of the cemetery. It was there they went down one of the many rows of graves to find their destination. He followed after him, trying not to think about how many coffins were underneath their feet as they passed. Then they stopped, having finally arrived.

Amelia was already there, sitting down before two graves. They were simple stone markers, etched with the names “Mason Theodore Allard” and “Valeria Caterina Allard” on them. A string of numbers with their birth and death dates were below the names and they weren’t that much older than him when they died. No mistake, these two were Ravi and Amelia’s dear father and mother.

Sitting down beside her, Ravi greeted the two graves with, “Hey, mom and dad. We’re back.”

He stood around awkwardly as he talked about everything that happened over the past year or so, Amelia chiming in every now and then. What was he to do? He didn’t know them but he didn’t feel it’d be right to leave the two of them alone either. So he just stayed there, biding his time.

“By the way, I wanted to introduce you to someone.” Ravi turned his head to look at him and he already knew what he was going to say. “Luce, get over here.”

“Uh, Snowbird, I don’t know if---”

“Luce, just get the crap over here.”

No use in fighting with him. He sat down beside him, bowing his head in respect while gulping nervously. Well, this was as awkward as he expected it to be. Anything more and this would go into some uncomfortable territory…

“Mom, dad, this is Luce, my boyfriend.” He glanced over to him. “You have anything to say, Luce?”

Well, fuck. Now he had to say something. The only question was what, since his mind wasn’t coming up with jack. Maybe something that was short, sweet, and to the point? That could work.

“Uh… Hey, I’m Luce and I’ve been dating your son for months now,” he said as stiffly and awkwardly as he wished he didn’t. That could’ve gone a lot better…

Letting out a snort, he threw an arm around his shoulders and said, “This is his first time being in a cemetery and meeting important people so he’s gonna suck with his words a little bit.”

Thank god he didn’t have to say anything else. He was already way out of his element being here, he didn’t need to be put on the spot like that too. He let Ravi continue the conversation while he went back to his previous position.

Aside from his talking, he noticed just how quiet the cemetery was. It was strange to not hear the honking of cars and people shouting over each other here. In a way, it was almost… peaceful. If it weren’t for the overwhelming presence of death all around him, he would’ve enjoyed the calm.

The conversation eventually ended, with Ravi fondly saying an “I love you” to the two graves before standing up. Amelia came up next to him and happily declared she was going to the field nearby to pick flowers. So they kept watch over her as she ran around picking the best flowers to give to the Weeping Angel statue.

“Sorry about not saying much,” he said suddenly, “I would’ve prepared more if I had known you’d be introducing me to your parents.”

“Yeah, I probably should’ve been more clear with that, huh?” he replied.

“At least I didn’t mess up that badly.”

“Yeah, you actually did better than I thought you would.”

“Did you not notice how close my voice was to cracking when I brought up how long we were dating?”

“Oh, I did and I’m impressed at how it didn’t.”

“At least mine can crack.”

“Shut the fuck up, you asshole!”

Although his words were harsh, he had an amused smile on his face. Yet, despite that, it didn’t seem to reach his eyes. It was pretty easy to know why, they were only standing a few feet away from where they were buried. He may not show it but it was clear he still missed them.

Shoving his hands into his jacket pockets, he asked, “How were they? Your mom and dad, I mean.”

“You really wanna know?” he answered with a question of his own.

He nodded and Ravi let out a sigh. Despite him asking about them, he wasn’t ready for the discomfort the talk of parents would bring him. Still, he was determined to push past that and listen to him.

“They were...” He paused to clear his throat. “They were good. They worked a lot just to provide for all of us but they tried their best to spend as much time with me as they could. If I had a school thing coming up, they always tried to clear their schedule to be there for me, though it was rare for both of them to show up.

“They were also super supportive of me. Mom cut my hair whenever I thought it was getting too long and picked out clothes she knew I’d like while dad would let me help him out on one of his projects. Hell, there were times I’d walk in on either mom or dad cussing out my teachers or the principal because I either refused to do what they wanted me to do or they excluded me from joining something because I was a ‘girl’.

“Actually, there’s one time in particular where--” he paused again, this time to steady his voice and sniffle before continuing-- “I asked them if they wanted me to be their daughter instead of their son and… they said they loved me, regardless. They loved me and they wanted me to be happy so if I said I was their son, I was their son. They’d always love me because I was their kid, no matter what, and it made me really happy to hear that.”

A single tear slid down his cheek before he even realized it. He blinked back the others and wiped it away, apologizing with a bitter laugh. Luce walked up to him and placed a hand on the back of his shoulder in an attempt to comfort him.

He knew it had to be hard for him to be the only one to remember them. Amelia was simply too young when they died for her to have memories of them. Course, Ravi was probably angry at that fact. She didn’t get to have enough time to spend with them when she should’ve. It wasn’t fair that their parents were taken away from them when they were still needed but knowing that wouldn’t bring them back. It was just a sad part of reality Ravi accepted a long time ago.

“Again, I’m sorry about crying like that,” he repeated, rubbing at his eyes carefully to avoid smudging his makeup. “It’s just… I miss them a lot, you know, and I wish they were still here.”

What could he say in this situation? It wasn’t like he experienced the same kind of loss like his snowbird had. He felt he’d be disrespecting him by saying empty words he knew didn’t have an ounce of understanding in them. He wanted nothing more than to comfort him but nothing was coming to him. So he opted to continue standing there with a hand on his shoulder, pretending it did something.

“Hey, Snowbird, how do you…” he began to ask, searching for the right words to say, “how do you… get through it?”

“Get through what?”

“You know, everything. Your parents’ death, the worry of not having enough money, all the shit Eli’s done. How do you get through it all?”

He didn’t answer right away, looking deep in thought. It was a question he curiously wanted to know the answer to, though he could’ve picked a better time to ask it. If it wasn’t solely Amelia, then what was it?

“Well, there’s two reasons. The first obviously being the people in my life, meaning both Amelia and--” he gestured to him-- “you. If it weren’t for her and you, I’d have given up a long time ago.”

Scoffing, he said, “I’m surprised. I would’ve thought I’d be considered as one of the bad things in your life.”

“Hey,” he interjected, almost as if he were chiding him, “don’t you ever say that. You may be an asshole that loves to annoy the shit out of me and tease me about practically everything but I’ve never once regretted meeting you or getting to know you or any of that stuff. You’re probably the only good thing that came out of the hellhole we call home.”

“Seriously?”

“Uh, yeah. You fell in love with me, despite how I act like a total bitch every day, and you never stared at my tits or ass whenever we met at work. Why wouldn’t you be?”

No words could even come close to describing how speechless he was. It sometimes shocked him how much of a non-filter his snowbird had. Then again, he figured it was part of his charm so it didn’t bother him much.

“Anyway, there’s another reason and it’s a lot more petty than you’d think.” He smirked. “Lemme ask you this question: do you like games?”

“What does that have to do with---”

“Just answer the damn question.”

“...Kinda? I mean, I don’t play them much but I guess I like them?”

“Tell me, would you want to play a game where your opponent plays unfairly?”

“No, cuz then it’d be no fun and there wouldn’t be a point to playing it.”

Still carrying the smirk, he said rather scathingly, “Then you’d think life would play fairly but no… It doesn’t.

“Life and I have this game it likes to play where it wants me to give up by trying its absolute damnedest to throw just the worst shit at me and beat me down with it. I like to think that’s where the saying ‘life’s unfair’ comes from because it’s a helluva a true statement. It’s like your worst enemy wanting you dead for no other reason than it just hating you for existing.

“I don’t like playing games like that. Why should everything be stacked against me when I didn’t ask for any of the crap I got? So I came up with something that’ll piss my opponent, in this case life, off. If I can’t win the game, then the very least I can do is not give it the satisfaction of winning.

“That’s how I’ve gotten through everything. If life wants me to give up, then I refuse to. It’s a game of spite, if you will. Every time life has thrown me a curveball, I tell it to go fuck itself and move on to the next thing it decides to throw at me. It’s a pretty ridiculous way of looking at it, isn’t it?”

It was an… interesting philosophy to subscribe to. See life as if it were a game and refuse to give it a satisfying victory? Real life wasn’t like the board game. It sounded ridiculous and he probably would’ve said it as such. But the fact that Ravi was the one saying all this made it sound so much more believable. Knowing the kind of person he was, of course he’d think like that.

“Nah,” he replied, “it suits you.”

“I guess.” He pulled out his phone to check the time and slipped it back into his pocket. “Listen, can you watch Melly for a bit? I gotta take a quick smoke before we leave.”

“You can’t smoke here?”

“Luce, I think if I were to put out a cigarette and throw the butt onto one of the graves, it’d be extremely disrespectful.”

“...You may have a point. Go on, I’ll watch the snowdove.”

So he headed back the way they came, leaving him to keep an eye on Amelia. She had a large gathering of flowers and the like in her arms and it continued to grow with each one she added. Surely, they’re not all for the statue, he wondered. Another minute or so passed and she ran back with the mismatched bouquet.

Presenting him with it, she said excitedly, “Lucy, look at all the flowers I picked! Aren’t they pretty?”

“Yeah, they are, Snowdove,” he replied, bending down to take a closer look at it.

The bouquet was comprised of colorful weeds and flowers. Some were in full bloom while others had missing petals or leaves. A few were even left bare, as if it didn’t have the chance to grow beyond a sprout. Still, it was a beautiful bouquet with the heart and care of a child.

She giggled and sat down in front of the graves again. He watched as she carefully placed several flowers beside both the markers. He couldn’t recognize the song she was humming but he didn’t want to interrupt her to ask what it was. Soon, all that was left of the bouquet was a pile of small, crumpled flowers.

“Hey, Lucy? What were your parents like?” she asked suddenly, looking at him with curious eyes.

He instinctively wanted to recoil but resisted the urge to. It wasn’t a question he wanted to answer. He didn’t want to remember all the bad things they did to him when he was a child. They were the reason he was so fucked up, why he hated himself, just everything wrong with him. He hoped they were in the deepest pits of hell for what they did to him. He sent them there so they better be.

But she didn’t know any of that. He didn’t blame her for asking something that a kid in her situation would naturally ask about. He was NOT going to tell her every single thing they did to him, he absolutely refused to. It’d just scar her for life and he did NOT want to be the one responsible for killing her innocence. He’ll just have to answer her in a delicate manner that didn’t bring up bad memories in the process.

“Well, uh…” he began to say, pausing to force the inklings of memory back, “they weren’t… good. They used to hurt me when I was your age. Hurt me a lot and… they weren’t good, not at all. So…”

“Oh…” She played with the hem of her dress. “I’m sorry they used to hurt you. I wish you had a good mom and dad.”

“It’s okay. Besides--” He crouched down next to her and ruffled a hand through her hair-- “I like being a part of this family.”

Giggling, she replied with a smile, “Yeah, I like that you’re family too.”

That was when Ravi returned. She bounced up off the ground and took the small, wrinkled bouquet with her. As she showed it off to him, he had on one of the rare warm smiles he’d only display in quiet moments like this. These two were gonna be the death of him someday.

He stayed a little ways behind them as they all walked back. He wanted some time to think over the conversation he and Ravi had earlier. The whole “life is just a sick game” bit stuck out among everything else.

If life really was a game, what would be the prize? He figured it’d be a good life, a life you can look back on and feel okay with leaving once you died. If that was how Ravi saw it, then he didn’t think he’d be able to have a good life. Maybe even thought he didn’t deserve to live one. Course, if it came down to either him or Amelia to have one, he wouldn’t hesitate to choose her. He found that sad.

He didn’t deserve to live the life he has now. A person as good as him didn’t deserve to have people he loved taken away, to have to put up a mask just to please sleazebags that didn’t truly appreciate him, to be used and abused by someone he trusted. Nobody deserved that kind of life, least of all a guy who’s just trying to raise his little sister in the wretched world they lived in.

Upon thinking that, he wanted to play the game of life. Like his snowbird, he got saddled with issues of his own for no other reason than him existing. However, he didn’t want to cheat it out of a win. He wanted to conquer it and win it himself, the prize being a good life. Wait for an opportunity to show itself, then take it before it vanished. That way, Ravi and Amelia could live a life away from all the destitution.

They stopped by the Weeping Angel statue and, per her request, Amelia gave it flowers. She placed some inside the wreath and carefully stood the rest beside the statue’s lying head. With her hands folded, she stood before it and bowed her head, seemingly praying to the statue.

Seizing an opportunity to talk, he walked up next to Ravi and muttered to him, “I think I’m starting to like games more after talking to you.”

“Oh?” he commented in intrigue, as if he understood the deeper meaning behind his words. “You want to follow my strategy?”

“No, I think I’ve got a better one. Wait for an opening and then go after it to win.”

He chuckled. “Not how I would’ve played but… let’s hope it pans out for you.”

Amelia finished her prayer and said goodbye to the statue. She took hold of Ravi’s hand as they began walking back. He followed after them, looking at all the graves they passed by.

He wondered if they were here too. Probably not, since they were basically criminals that no one would miss being gone. He didn’t want to become like them, he’d kill himself first before turning into them. Now that he was committed to this “game of spite”, he’ll do everything in his power to not end up like them. He was determined to win and get the good life all three of them deserved. No matter what.


End file.
